That time my mom pissed off a faerie.

March 27, 2017

This was originally written September 14, 2011 

 Once upon a time in the great land of smoke and mountains, my mother pissed off a faerie and now our home is being encircled by huge mushrooms. 


The story begins with a forest, two adventurers and an undeniable sense of curiosity.

My parents are fond of hiking. More to the point, they are fond of hiking in The Great Smoky Mountains National Park. When they visit the park, as they do several times a year, you can be sure that an ample amount of time will be dedicated to traipsing about in the great outdoors. While my idea of a vacation is to relax and be decadent and pampered...they prefer to rough it in the wilderness. They sometimes hike the trails, but more often than not they venture off the trails, and explore a bit. This doesn't worry me as much as it used to. Now I know that if they are lost, they will build a deluxe tree house out of badger spit and twigs...and probably eat healthier than they do now.

It was on one such 'exploration' that my mother happened upon a curious sight: a small ring of mushrooms, moss and rocks. Simply put, she stumbled upon a faeire ring. Now, instead of just admiring the sight, and snapping a few pictures, my crazy ass mother decides to take one of the pretty, flat rocks from inside the ring and bring it home with her. Mistake. According to many tales in folklore, faerie rings are sacred and violating them is said to anger the faeries, who are likely to curse those involved.

This incident happened four or five years ago...and so far nothing horrible has happened. From time to time, things will go wonky or things will disappear and mum will blame it on the faerie that came back with the rock. However, recently, mum has lost the rock...and we think the faerie is pissed off about it. While looking for our dumb as hell Pomeranian, brother #1 and I noticed something odd. There were huge mushrooms growing in several areas around our property (this has never ever ever happened before in the 16 years of our residing here)...and the more we explored...it became obvious that these mushrooms were scattered about in a big, broken circle surrounding our house!

In one small area on the right side of our front yard are eight or more, situated in a semicircle (curved away from the house). On the left side of our yard was the same thing, but our neighbor ran over them with his lawnmower today. Our backyard is HUGE and they could have grown anywhere...but there's another semicircle (curved away from the house as well) and it starts only 2 yards from the back porch!

Also, Monday night. There were crazy 'The Truth Is Out There' kind of lights happening. Brother #2 swears it was lightening...but he's in a deep state of denial. The only 'weather' on the radar was over an hour away...there was zero thunder...and it kept happening in the exact same place...below the tree line...and had a weird tint to it...and everything was smoky...It had a very X-Files feel to it...and everyone who watches Supernatural knows that aliens are really faeries abducting the first born and forcing them to service Oberon.

So, the simple fact of the matter is, my mother desecrated a faerie ring, lost the rock, and now my house is being encircled by mushrooms by a pissed off faerie. 

Thanks, mom.

So. um. I need a place to stay before this ring closes....of course, if she's anything like Sookie Stackhouse, she'll probably be eaten by a cat or a squirrel soon.

Just one SMALL section of my inevitable demise

Big Ass Mushroom


WE.ARE.GOING. TO DIE!

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