Will You Be My Dumpster Fire?

March 09, 2017

What's dating like at 37?
Well, it's sort of like trying to decide which dumpster fire you'll enjoy dousing yourself in gasoline and jumping into more.

I'm kidding, of course...but only slightly.

I mean, Jesus H. Christ, can you even begin to fathom the baggage, neuroses, and bad habits we've all developed by this age? Not to mention the fact that by this point in our lives most have had at least one marriage and/or kid. You've likely either learned from your mistakes and you're making a reasonable attempt at not repeating them...or you haven't learned a goddamn thing at all and you don't really see the point in changing at this point. Good luck finding the former...it's like looking for the fucking Holy Grail...with a broken leg...while blind.

I'm sort of an anomaly. I've never been married, and I don't have any kids. However, I am just now learning from my mountain range of mistakes. Sweet raptor baby Jesus on toast, I have made some mind-bogglingly horrendous mistakes. Not only that, I've repeated said mistakes over and over again expecting different results.  PLUS, up until recently, my baggage has been MAAAAASSSIVE. It could probably have been most accurately described as a mismatched pile of abusive relationship triggers, abandonment and daddy issues, an overwhelming need to be loved and touched, and a lot of body image issues. All shoved into a tiny closet with a sofa placed lazily in front of it to keep it shut, and hide it from the visitors. A hazard to myself and others.

After my last breakup, I spent a lot of time getting to know myself again. I began unpacking all of that baggage, and looking at how it was created, how I've reacted to it, and how it has shaped my relationship with myself and others. Then I tossed it all. Once I was finally able to walk away from my past, my hangups, my fears, and expectations I felt like a new, freer woman. Now, I'm not saying it's ALL gone..but it's now more like I have a sporty little fanny pack instead of being the Old Hag in the Rubbish Dump from Labyrinth.

For you poor souls who haven't seen Labyrinth. 

So, after my eye opening enlightenment and new found self-awareness, what is my dating advice?
I don't have any.
Dating is a cesspool of fuckboys (and girls) with occasional gems found lurking in the murky depths. Surrounded by life draining, fanged bog monsters. Also, the cesspool is acid. Face melting acid. 

For me, my rule is that I am not going to date just to date. 
I have created a life that I enjoy. One where I am content, and don't feel like my happiness is in any way tied to my relationship status. If someone comes along that I just can't say no to, then I will date again. I'm just not willing to give up what I currently have to date just anyone.

The only advice I can really give is this: If it doesn't excite you, don't do it. Realize that if there are red flags at the beginning, they really probably aren't going to go away. Have fun. Don't settle. 
You are worthy of exactly the kind of love you're looking for. 
Even if you are a dumpster fire, someone is gonna think you're the raddest, loveliest dumpster fire they've ever seen. 

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