April 14, 2017

Feelings are a goddamn-motherfucking-sonofabitch...and they will kill you.
While you beg for the sweet release of death.
I'd rather be punched in the goddamn face. Repeatedly.

After the absolute clusterfuck of a betrayal that was my last relationship, feelings were not welcome in my world. I mean, come on, I let all of my thick, unscalable walls down, and trusted someone completely...only to be betrayed in the way he knew would devastate me the most. Would anyone want to get attached to someone after that? Hell-fucking-naw. I would rather adopt 80 cats and never date again, than allow myself to form an attachment to another human being. I will be a free spirit who remains unattached, and can flirt and fool around without developing even a drop of THE FEELS.

There's only one problem.

I get attached to everyone
Friends, family, pets, my regular bartenders, random animals I've just met. Everyone I care about, I form an attachment to. Almost immediately if I feel some sort of connection/easy vibe with the person. If we talk on even a semi-regular basis, and I enjoy it...chances are good that I am going to get attached to you, and stay attached to you forever unless you hurt me beyond forgiveness.  To be clear, it's not always necessarily romantic, just emotionally attached. What all of this means is, I'm 50 shades of royally fucked no matter how hard I try to remain unattached, emotionless, or feeling-less. 
I care.
I get attached fast.
I have a big, soft, squishy heart.
It's who I am, and because of this, I think life is continually trying to teach me to let go. To teach me how to care about someone without expectation, enjoy the good times, and let go gracefully when the time comes. 

I'd rather life punch me in the face repeatedly. 

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