Happy Pills and Delusions of Grandeur

July 05, 2017

I haven't felt like writing.
At all.
About anything.
To be honest, I have not felt like doing anything other than snuggling my dog, and attempting to snuggle my cat.

Mostly, I've just been dealing with a lot of complicated bullshit that I can't really share...as I do not like to air my dirty laundry for all the world to see. The ruined lives and bloodshed really becomes tiresome when I do. However, I reserve the right to change my mind about that if I get pissed off enough (currently in threat level orange).

Over the last few days I've discovered that if I actually take my supplements in the morning, I feel like a completely different person. In fact, I feel like a powerful goddess with flowers blossoming at her feet and birds and forest animals doing her bidding...but also the kind of goddess that rains down retribution on those who anger her beyond her limits. My BFF finds it amusing...probably because my messages usually end in "FUCK THEM ALL I AM A GLORIOUS GODDAMN SUPER GODDESS". I feel capable of anything...good about myself...beautiful and desirable...happy and at peace...able to not give a single crumb of a fuck about anyone who chooses to treat me badly, or any situation that continually brings me down. I feel ballsy and powerful. Little things don't bother me, and the judgments of others (and opinions about how I live my life) do not even register to me as even remotely relevant.

My special blend of supplements lean towards something for adrenal fatigue, something for anxiety and depression, turmeric, and lots of caffeine. When I don't take them, I'm tired...physically, mentally, emotionally, psychologically...metaphysically. I definitely do not feel like a super goddess...if anything, I feel like a tired, achy blob. So, once I realized that there is a completely vast difference in the way I feel about myself and relate to my life, I began to wonder...is the 'me' that I am when I take my supplements (and thereby suppress the problems I have: anxiety, mild depression, fatigue) the REAL me? I hope so, cuz I like her.

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