We're living in a powder keg and giving off sparks

August 21, 2017



 I've been reading a lot about the solar eclipse my area of the globe is supposed to experience today. Where I dwell, we won't have 100% totality, but it'll be close enough to be an awe inspiring experience. Most of what I've been reading up on has been from a scientific standpoint, because I am thoroughly obsessed with celestial events. The stars have always fascinated me, and events like this just thrill me.

  The last time the United States got such a good look at a solar eclipse was the year I was born. Just about 8 months before I entered the world breech and, originally thought, without kidneys (thankfully, they were wrong). Little coincidences like that thrill me too.

  In my reading, because I'm sort of a cosmic-witchy-moon-and-nature-worshiping-heathen, I also came across a sentence that read something like, "The solar eclipse is a rare opportunity to hit the karmic reset button". Whether that is true or not, I like the idea of hitting a reset button...hitting it really goddamn hard.

That's not to say that I'm unhappy with my life. No, let's divest anyone of that erroneous notion right now. I have my own place (which I love), and I'm 100% in the clear to buy my own home when my lease is up. I have the most perfect pup and kitty cat who give me all the love and snuggles. I have a job that I can show up 20 minutes late to occasionally because the boss knows I go above and beyond all the time. I know who my real friends are. I'm healthy. Despite battling my depression, anxiety, and C-PTSD, I'm pretty damn happy. There's not a lot I'd hit a reset button on.

Except for my love life.

My love life can go fuck itself with a rusty rake.
I'm ready to let go. I'm ready to  move on. I'm ready to stop dealing with the same old bullshit over and over again. Whether it's from the same person, or someone completely new. I'm done.

So...today I'm taking out all of that baggage, and I am setting it on fire. I'm going to let the ashes blow away on the wind. I'm not looking back. I am moving on.
I.do.not.care.anymore.
Everyone has made their choices. They chose to leave. I chose to still care, and come back anytime they called. That is over. You don't get to chose to be with someone else, and occasionally have me for fun on the side.
I'm better than that.
I deserve better than that.
If that's all you can offer me...you don't get me. At all. In any way.

I'm hitting that reset button today, and not looking back.

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